Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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