Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
