mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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