I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
