can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
