Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
