i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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