last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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