John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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