Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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