She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
