Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
