if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
