I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
