but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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