Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
