After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
