Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
