Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
