I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
