I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
