You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
