Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
