If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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