My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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