They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
