This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who died my cat blue again?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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