Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
