my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
