The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Say something about gay babies.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
