After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
