You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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