You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
