I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
