Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
