she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish my penis had a tongue
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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