"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The beer is more important than you right now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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