if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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