Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
