glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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