Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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