I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
