it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
