??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
