You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
