You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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