I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
