I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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