I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
