You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
