Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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