clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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