Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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