i just wanna soil my oats bro
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
