i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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