Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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