OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
